Darryl Bodkins

Review #4: BODKINS AT THE BALL

Hello Gang, its Dazz Bodkins back in town.

I know you have all missed me, but i have been away the last couple of weeks. Me and the hugs and kisses had a blue, and I went up and stayed at me old ladies in Yarrawonga.

Benny Hedditch has been keeping me updated with the scores, and I was dead set spewing when I heard Albion had touched us up.

As you would all know by now, I have impeccable timing, and once again it proves, when I got back 3 nights before the life membership ball for Lee Schwartz and his son, Mark.

 I had just enough time to pop down to Highpoint and pick up a new bag of fruit. May I just say that the service I received was abysmal. The look I got when I asked for a jacket, pants, shirt and tie for $100 was nothing short of rude. It was the same look that Moz gives when you ask for a free pot of Kangaroo Brew.

I ended up scoring an outfit that was going to be a sure fire winner with the ladies, young and old.

On the Saturday, I popped in to the toilet they call Sunny Heights home ground. The boys were a bit shaky but they ended up getting on top. I left at 3 Quarter time and went and met my roomy, Wayne and the rest of the corner crew for a few drinks before I went and got changed for the big night ahead.

Just as Wayne was about leave to drop me off at Moonee Valley, I whacked on the Brut. I wasn’t shy with it either, as experience has shown me that the ladies love a man who knows a great fragrance.

 I got a pleasant surprise when I went to my table and noticed I was on the table with Quinny. For once the young fella pulled through for the boys. His missus was looking sensational. I quickly introduced myself to her and her equally good looking friend. I could sense they were thinking I was full of class. They would have been right.

 I started to schmooze around the room. I Popped over and had a good chat with the president who had unfortunately taken a tumble and rolled up to the ball in a sling. The first thing Uncle Darryl thought was, “clever bugger, going for the sympathy vote!” If only I had thought of that.

 It was time to go back to the table for the first course. Everyone looked like they enjoyed it. As for me, I was on a liquid diet for the night. Bas did the right thing and got the life membership presentations going nice and early.

 First cab off the rank was Grechy. The ex pres got on stage to present Leroy Schwartz with his long awaited life membership. The Schwartz’s win everything so it was no surprise to see him finally receive this accolade. Grechy was surprisingly solid with the microphone and once Lee got hold of it, the crowd would have done anything to give it back to Grechy. Lee had some stories to tell. Grimmo was an appropriate nickname for the old fella. Named by his son after the McDonalds character Grimace, it was ironic that while he was talking, the crowd was collectively grimacing. Lee teared up as he was given his life membership pin. It was a touching moment. In all seriousness, it was a well deserved honour for a man who has given the club so much.

 his brings me to the next presentation. Mark Schwartz could possibly be the youngest life member we have had. As Dave De Santa-Ana pointed out during his speech, Skeeta is the only player to have played in 300 games and not have a senior game amongst them. This is no mean feat. Firstly, it can’t be easy having to wake up at sparrow’s fart every Saturday morning, especially if you have been on the turps the night before. Heck, I don’t even get up until 12 on a weekday (unless I have to drop off my timesheet to Centrelink).

 Secondly, spending 3 quarters on the pine has to take its toll. Just goes to show the dedication of the bloke. I must admit I had a trickle of wet run down my cheek when, in a touching moment, Skeet made a presentation of his own to the old man. The look of endearment the young bloke showed his old man while presenting Lee with his 1 millionth dimmy should have been bottled. You could tell, in that moment, all Mark wants to do is follow in his fathers footsteps. After consulting with Michelle Hayes from the canteen, she reckons the way he is going; he will give it a nudge.

 The last of the formalities was the presentation of a lovely watch to Mark Grech. It was from players, coaches, committee and supporters in recognition of Grechy’s outstanding service to the footy club in his recently vacated role as President. It was a good thing he got a watch. Now he could see we were missing out on some valuable drinking time!

 Once everyone polished off there main meals, it was game on.

 Finally, Dazza Bodkins could scan the room and identify some talent.

 The first thing my eyes caught a glimpse of was an old fave of mine, Janine Hilton. Not a lot of people know, but before Jeff hit the scene, I was on and off with Janine. I reckon her name should be Penfolds, because she just keeps getting better with age. If you look at the recent VB ad, you can actually see Jeff in the blokes punching above their weight bit.

 Eventually Hilts gave me the evil eye, and I was on the look out for some more fine specimens. Over the last few years, the young fellas have disappointed me at these things. Function after function they have given us nothing, so it was a turn up for the books to see Baz Reilly show up with a stunning broad. Looks like Uncle Dazz has taught the little tacker a thing or two.

 The Hedditch boys once again showed how it should be done. Benny’s lady friend, Molly, and Sam’s partner, Steph, shone like beacons. But I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. Then it hit me. Where was Laura Jones? And Joe Hedditch, of course.

 There are always mystery women that turn up to these things. It seems I spend all night trying to find out where they are from and who they are with. Invariably, by the time I find out she hasn’t got a fella, she has gone and im never to see them again. And once again it happened. To the lass in the short black dress (fellas, you know who im talking about), can you contact the sunshine website. Im sure you noticed me. You may have even thought “who is that creep?” Then again, it probably wouldn’t work. It’s the generation gap.

 Some of the males had a crack at sprucing up. Aaron Batty looked the goods. He even had some cufflinks on, if my memory serves me correct. As great as Batts looked, he still came up short trying to outdo his gorgeous girlfriend. Jon Blake was also looking dapper, but like Batts, he was overshadowed by his GF.

 The Connor’s, Cory and Brad, both rate themselves as fashionistas, and if Brad lost a few kilo, he would have been spot on with his dress sense. Cory, on the other hand- Mate, leave the vest to the council workers. It was up to his partner, Larna, to boost the average.

 Grant Setterfield was amongst the action for the majority of the evening. He won the raffle of a holiday house on the Gippsland Lakes. He must have been chuffed as he told everyone about it. Most people couldn’t care that he won. Wiggo was the exception. Apparently Wiggo had his heart set on that prize, and with Setters rubbing it in, Wiggo had no alternative but to plant one on him. I hope Grant has a fancy dress party coming up, because with that shiner, he would make a great Uncle Fester.

It seems they have kissed and made up. Apparently Wiggo is now going to the holiday house with Setters. And they lived happily ever after.

 While that was an interesting way to end proceedings at Moonee Valley, the night was still young. By now you would all know that on occasions like this, I turn back the clock, so off to Deluxe bar I headed. The bouncers weren’t too sure about the state I was in, but a sly $50 in the pocket quickly showed I was fine to enter there fine establishment.

 Changing from beer to Jim Beam and tequila shots has a profound effect on me nowadays, and it wasn’t long until I was looking for a nice, quiet corner. I thought I found one, but on second glance, there was Boxy doing his best work with a member of the opposite sex. I thought to give the bloke his space (not before I got him in a headlock and gave him a scone- chicks love that kind of banter between boys), but turns out I should have stuck around. Some dude wasn’t happy with the close checking by Boxy with the sheila and gave the Big Box man a cheapy. Little Muddy flew under the radar and tried to sort it out but he copped one for his troubles. Before you could say “Hey Presto”, we had what is now known in footy terminology as a melee. Obviously I could have done some damage, but I thought it was important to console the chicks. Quite a number of them politely declined my offer to take them home in a cab.

 Sensing a rush for taxis was about to happen, Darryl Bodkins stumbled down the stairs and into a waiting cab, where Rajit drove me home (via Macca's of course).

 When I woke up the next night with special sauce all over my bed, I knew it had been a big night.

That’s my take on this year’s ball, im Darryl Bodkins, and ill be back for more in the coming weeks.

Darryl Bodkins

Review #3

It’s Darryl here for another Bodkins wrap.

After the Sunny Heights win, and the accompanying beverages to mark Chippy Connor’s 200^th game (ironically the drinks Chippy couldn’t handle), the fellas had to make the voyage to Glenorden. Recent technological advances such as car navigation systems, has made the once treacherous drive to the ground possible, even for the likes of Greeny and Bruno. Glenorden in the past would collect most of there wins by playing at home. This was mainly because teams didn’t know how to find the ground and had to forfeit.

Unfortunately for the Hawks, they now have to earn the wins on the field.

Glenorden had been struggling to be competitive in the early parts of the season, and our Shiners were expected to do a number on them in both grades.

The reserves got off to a good start with Abra Kadabra seemingly making his opponent disappear, and having a truck load of the Rossy Faulkner. Little Nugget Foley was getting his hands on the pill and sending the Blue and Gold into attack constantly. It was Nick Hayes, who has seen little of the forward line in his career who was keeping the scoreboard ticking for the Kanga’s.

Some wayward shots on goal meant that Glenorden were still in striking distance at the half time break.

A bit of a rev up by the two bald blokes, Setters and Shagga, and the boys hit the second half running. Abra had also made Frosty’s man disappear by the looks of it, as the number 11 strutted around the centre square picking up easy touches, even able to make sure his hair was still immaculate.

Brad Connor was shifted forward and the unlikely forward line was starting to convert on the scoreboard. Brad ended up kicking a lazy 5, and Nick Hayes got 4 himself, as the fellas got up by around 20 goals.

The ones were keen to carry on there last half against Heights, and although we were bombing goals from everywhere, Glenorden were keeping pace. The first quarter ended up being neck and neck with Glenorden able to snag 6 goals for the term. Gradually the game opened up for the Kanga’s, and Foley was starting to rash up from his leather poisoning. The one thing I remember about our boys playing at Glenorden was the debut of Froggy Triplett last year. Glenorden made him look like a Jono Brown. I was starting to think that maybe this year I could have been running around looking a million bucks, but alas I had to make do with my half a D of Vic cans.

The game was starting to become one way traffic after half time. If I was playing for the Hawks, jumping out into the traffic might have been the thing to do to stop the carnage. The main interest centred on whether Foles could rack up the 50 possies, and if Wiggo could snag a bag of 10. For the record Foles got his half century. Wiggo however ended up with 9. It could of so easily been 10 but for Murph pick pocketing the big fella in the goal square. The Kanga’s ran out 20 odd goals in front and cemented there spot as a legitimate finals side.

The best way to see where you sit in the whole scheme of things, is to play the best. In the WRFL , there is none better than Spotty.

It was a big day for the club with not only the game but with the now famous Ladies Day. I was genuinely torn. To watch the boys play or to work my magic on the female of the species? My train of thought was that id watch the footy until it got to a stage where Spotty started to run riot, then I could console myself with the bevy of beauties that had popped down for the day.

The boys in the reserves were playing for the right to stay undefeated, as were the Woodsmen. Setters had stressed that we needed to jump out of the blocks, and for once the boys listened to him. Bruno was getting his hands on the ball in the centre and was giving us a chance forward. Although the scores were level at quarter time, we looked the better side. The Sunshine boys were firing in the second quarter, skipping out to a 5 goal lead. But for some bad misses in front of goal, the boys should have been 8 goals in front at the half.

The saying don’t give a sucker and even break comes to mind after what turned out to be a demoralising second half for the boys. They looked slow and unfit. A bit like myself. Spotty were working themselves in to the game and had momentum. We had stopped as if Martin Bryant had shot all 24 players. The last term was hard to watch. Watching the game in the balance but not having anyone looking capable of pulling out the big play when it mattered. They could have used a for Dazza Bodkins’ out there, but we cant all win Tatts either. Such is life. Spotty ended up eeking out a win, but the boys from Sunshine will know that they are up to their eyes in this years premiership race.

The seniors game was going to be a pearler. We had the radio covering the game, the local footy show was filming the game for channel 31 (I still think they should have had the camera in the rooms covering the women), and last but definitely not least club champion Benjamin Davis playing his 350^th game.

The milestone looked out of reach after a knee reco a few years back, but to show the character of the bloke, not only did he come back to play his 350^th game, he got back to playing senior footy, and good footy to boot! Benny has quietly mentioned to me (very quietly) that I was the player he modelled himself on as a kid. He still thinks I was twice the player he is, but he has me covered when it comes to courage. I’m only courageous after a few brews.

There was only going to be one result fitting of such a man, and that was a win against those arch rivals from the Westgate.

The game was played with a finals-like intensity and the hits were as hard as I have ever seen. May I add, except for Setters love tap to Spotty’s resident bad guy, Ray Jenson. I thought baldies stuck together, but there was no love lost between those two. Setters getting sent off seem to make the players more determined, and we kicked clear after some impressive play. At 3 quarter time we had the game to lose. Much like the reserves a few hours earlier. This time we managed to tough it out. Even when Spotty’s Ranga, Keenan, kicked a late one, the fellas still had enough in the tank to run out 2 goal winners.

After the siren I got a little bit scared. A classic Sunshine win, together with 100 women from Ladies Day and a live band. All of that adds up to a Bodkins banger of a hangover. I could have pulled the pin there and then, but in the spirit of Benny Davis, I decided to show a bit of ticker and have a crack. Besides, I didn’t want to waste the Brut I stacked on. In all my years at the club, this was one of the best nights I have seen. There were sheilas stacking it on the dance floor by 8pm, the daiquiris were in abundance (obviously I stuck true to the Beams), and the rooms were full to the brim. Let me just say, I may have got a ladies phone number. Will she remember giving it to me? That’s not for me to judge. The band practically had to be dragged out to stop playing. I’m sure I heard them say that they would pay the club to let them play some more.

I left at god knows what time, but there were still heaps stuck to the bar.

In between cursing my headache and getting cursed at by my Mum (Happy Mothers day, Sharon), I thought to myself, what better way to recognise the women of our footy club and the great man Ben Davis then the previous night. It nearly made my hangover worthwhile.

I’m Darryl Bodkins and I’ll be back next week with my German night review. And maybe a game review.

Darryl Bodkins

Review #2

Hi everybody, it is Dazza Bodkins back for another review.

It has taken me a few weeks to get this edition going. I have just recovered from the win against Albion!

After the thrashing of the Cats, the boys made the long trek over to Hoppers Crossing. It hasn’t been a happy hunting ground in recent times, but the feel was that we could get the points this time around.

The reserves were looking to back up from a gritty win and get off to an undefeated start to the year.

From the opening bounce, the Kanga’s were on top of a young Warriors squad. Frosty was at his show boating best, prancing around the wide open spaces of the Hoppers ground. Thorny should have been called aero guard, because he was repelling everything that went near him. The scoreboard was lopsided, but would have been worse if not for the wind that was swirling around. Hoppers finally strung together a few goals but the damage was done and the Shiners got away with a 10 goal win.

The ones were looking to join the ressies on a record of 2 from 2, and things were promising enough early. The conditions were tough on the skills, and I had flashbacks to when I could hit a target in the middle of a hurricane. I took pride in my kicking. The more kicks I fudged up, the more running I had to do.

At the half, Sunshine had a handy 3 goal lead and looked like they would run over the top of Hoppers, especially considering they are known front runners.

As soon as the 2^nd half started, Hoppers looked to have come out in a better frame of mind than our boys. They were applying more pressure and the yellow and blue were starting to turn the ball over. Hoppers had a loose man in the back line and we must have kicked to him 5 or 6 times in the quarter. A few costly misses in front of goal and Hoppers had managed to hit the front.

The game was evenly poised going in to the last quarter, with Hoppers having the aid of the breeze. The game was to-ing and fro-ing and was poised to go down to the wire. The Kanga’s had more of the pill, but couldn’t get the goals they required. Wiggo looked to have snagged one, but the goal umpire was the only bloke at the game that thought it was a point. Then Quinny gifted a goal to Hoppers about 20 metres out. The boys had let this one slip. The siren had sounded and the boys had been done by 2 goals.

Hoppers had beat us on there dung hill again. I was shattered. So I went in and had a pot and poke. Won a quick 50 on the pokies and I had half a smile again.

Round 3 should have been a grand occasion. Anzac day weekend and over the last couple of years we had played Spotty on Anzac day, getting the RSL involved and getting bumper crowds. Then the buffoons at the WRFL fixture us against Sunny Heights. Apparently the offer of an Anzac day game was given, but Heights turned it down. No Anzac spirit down Glengala way.

If the last time we played them was an indicator, the boys were going to have a bruising encounter.

The reserves welcomed back Cory Connor from injury and it just so happened to be his 200^th game. He didn’t waste much time getting backing the swing. He had bagged 2 goals in about the first 15 seconds. His missus reckons kicking goals isn’t the only thing he does in 15 seconds.

To Heights credit, they showed a bit more fight than last year when they copped a bath, but the twos have a formidable squad and ended up running away with the game by a lazy 20 goals. Chippy kicked 6, but it was his performance later on in the night that was a talking point. More on that later.

The seniors were keen to atone from there loss the week before, and also keen to put a stamp on the game early, as last year Heights nearly rolled us in what can only be described as a spiteful game.

The start of the game went to script, with a few late hits here and there. It was nothing any different to when I use to run around. My famous number 26 may as well have been a target on my back. There was plenty of feeling out on the ground and once id cracked my 4^th can I started to take offence to some of the underhand tactics. At halftime I popped down to the rooms and had a word to the current number 26. I took young Johnny Blake aside and told him that number 26ers don’t take this kind of stuff, and that he should look to turn the tables on the Heighters. It didn’t take him long before he put on one of the best shirtfronts I’ve seen in years. Blakey looked up towards the bar and gave me a wink. From then on it was all one way traffic. The Kanga’s put on the afterburners and with Wiggo dominating in the ruck, it was a solid, if not spectacular win. And some nice percentage to boot.

In the rooms after the game, they made a presentation of a mug to commemorate Cory Connor’s 200^th game. The little fella downed his first mug full with ease. It must be said though that he slowly but surely went downhill from there. He was making the most of tapping on the shoulder, but with each shoulder tapped the further into decline the young fella went. It wasn’t too late when he went to the dunny and had a bit of a fall. He had himself a nice free range egg on his scone. It’s a good thing he doesn’t play 200 games every week.

I popped into the club on the Sunday to watch the Pies play the Bombers. Being a staunch fan of the Doggies, I couldn’t give a toss who won; I just heard the bar was going to be open. About 30 people were there and it was a solid day. Especially for Dougy Hart, who won a truckload on Travis Cloke kicking the first goal. It looks like he will be good for his sponsorship cash after all.

I'll be back next week with the Glenordan game wrap. Ill also have all the goss from Sunshine’s biggest day. Yep, it’s Ladies Day once again. I’ll pull out the brand spanking Jim Beam shirt, and pour on the Brut. Who knows how much luck I’ll have? One thing is for sure and that is that the action will be hot on and off the ground!

Till next time, im D.B

Darryl Bodkins

Review #1

For those that don’t know me, I am pretty much the heart and soul of the footy club. How Lee and Mark Schwartz got the nod ahead of me for life membership has me buggered. But that’s another story.

As it is every year, once the cricketers get the boot from Kindersmith Reserve, everyone gets a spring in their step.

This year the season has an added air of expectation, with the appointment of a new playing coach, Brett Jacobs (I’ll touch on him more later on). It also comes with a tinge of sadness as we lose our old coach, Tocka O’Keefe. It was tough for Tock to say goodbye, but there is only so much saliva one man can spit during his sprays. For Tock, unfortunately his mouth just went dry. It happens to the best of us, it just means now he can sit on the side wetting his whistle with a few green cans like the rest of us.

A new year also sees the unveiling of the new bar. 50 years after the club began; finally we have a bar we can be proud of. Of course, it has truckloads of kegs to get through before it can match the character of the old bar, but after its debut game against Albion, it is well and truly on the way. A far cry from the old tin shed drinking team days to say the least.

The bar was built with the blood, sweat and tears of dedicated Sunshine people. And was supervised by Scotty Hammond.

Everyone involved should be proud of themselves. The only thing left to do is name it in my honour. “THE BODKINS BAR”. I’ll drink to that!

The lead up to round 1 was exciting. I hadn’t been that excited since I was 17, sneaking into the Kilkenny on a Thursday night.

The coaching staff felt they recruited well. I’ll try and remember as many as I can for you.

We have Box, Polly, Head, Wiggo, The Murphs (x2), Pete, Michael, Dougy, Muddy and Abra Kadabra. Can’t think of anymore but they are out there.

We also picked up Brett Jacobs as playing coach. This brings me to my next point. What kind of nickname is Bretto? Surely we at Sunshine Kangaroos Footy Club can put our heads together and come up with something better than that. Forward suggestions to the e-mail address on the website.

The season finally got up and going last week, with the Shiners taking on our arch rivals, Albion.

A gigantic crowd was expected, and by the start of the reserves it was standing room only (Mainly because the cash went towards the bar and not grandstand seating).

The reserves had a point to prove after missing the finals after previously winning the flag. It was made all the more difficult by drawing the reigning premiers in the first game.

The boys didn’t seem to care who they were playing. A large contingent was debuting and just wanted to impress the coaches. The coaches are a double headed monster this year with not a hair between them. And no, Grechy isn’t coaching. The co-coaches are Grant Setterfield and Shannon Carroll. Setters and Shagga have a lot of talent to work with since they have no hair to pull out they should just sit back and enjoy the ride.

The Kanga’s came out firing in the first quarter, and as they say, “If you can’t get up for the first bounce of the year, you shouldn’t be playing”.

The boys piled on 5 goals in quick time and were ferocious with the pressure they were applying and the Cats hated it.

The second term was a bit tighter. The backline were struggling to adjust after Ricky Martin injured himself. It is great to see him out of the closet though.

Albion started to slowly peg back the margin, and by the end of the 3^rd, there was 1 point in it and Albion were kicking with the wind. Signs weren’t looking good, but Shagga’s inspirational speech seemed to lift the fellas. I sure hope he has more of those words of wisdom because you don’t want to run out after round 1!

It was a see-sawing battle in the last stanza. The game was swinging back and forth, with no one taking the game by the scruff of the neck. Until the big fella wearing the bright yellow boots, Joel Evans, stepped up. He had to do something after whacking those boots on. He managed to snaffle a couple of goals, none better than a banana (pretty ironic since his boots are the colour of bananas) from the boundary pretty much sealed the deal. The Kanga’s had toughed it out to get the points. It was 5 points the margin in the finish. Albion was a shattered bunch.

It is one thing for the magoos to get up, but a club is measured on the success of the Ones. After that shocking day down at Altona last year in the final, the boys had some extra incentive to come up trumps.

The task was made more difficult as they would have to go into the game without captain Jake Trevaskis through injury and Tommy Millar through being whipped by his missus and having to stay on holiday in Fiji (im sure his arm was twisted).

The Roo boys, jumped out to a flyer thanks to the centre square work of Jesse Mac and ball magnet Rusty Douglas. It was great to see Benny Foles roaming the middle again after his season ending foot injury last year. He may have lost his hair but he hasn’t lost his ability.

The second quarter was a procession. New look forward line players Wiggo and Head Bellingham were finishing the great work up the ground and by half time Deb Connor had her gold jacket on.

After halftime, the demolition continued. Even the usually vocal Cats supporters stopped meowing. The backline didn’t stop harassing the poor Albion forwards. Joey Hedditch was awesome until he wanted a breather and obviously faked an injury so he could come off. This was the complete opposite of Joel Harrison who usually fakes the injuries, but was relishing the playing time.

In the end the Sunshine boys ran out 76 point winners. A great start to the coaching career of Bretto.

The first game party was thrown into disarray when the band started early. By the time they started there were about 5 people there. Of course I was one of them. It was probably a big crowd for the band. They had more breaks than council workers. By the time people turned up, the jukebox was in full effect.

There isn’t a person out there that likes beating Albion as much as Grechy. The big fella celebrated a bit too much and spent half the night passed out on a chair.

Once you see the old president in that state, I have learnt it’s nearly time for me to sneak out the back door myself. As I was staggering home, I caught a glimpse of Head, Bretto and Al Barb heading out together. I sure hope that doesn’t have a negative effect on Head and Bretto.

That’s all for me, but I’ll be back with my Hoppers Round up early next week.